22) Continuity

The Direction of Interconnected

4 daughters, little girls that grew up to be 3 (so far) moms!

Pictured above: my English grandma Margaret Valentine, my mom Margaret Valentine, me, and Audrey. Continuity.

This was the first Mother’s Day that I’m the only mom left standing in my nuclear family, the first without my mom. She’s been present in non-physical ways lately—at my British citizenship ceremony we found a shiny new penny that for some reason felt like a “hey, hello, hi” from her. The other day, I had brunch with a group of her best friends, and we cracked open her ashes, dispersing with a few containers. There were a lot of jokes and memories and stories shared, and even though it wasn’t as a solid living human, she would have liked being the center of attention. I put a few scoops of mom ashes in a flower bed and planted some wildflower seeds and two friends took some for their back yards—places and homes she loved to visit.

But here’s the thing. Had she been here, my Mother’s Day day wouldn’t have happened like it did…and it was exceptional. Audrey and I made up plans on the spot, spontaneously bought tickets to see “To Kill a Mockingbird” -with the Broadway touring cast at the Bass Hall at UT. It was great. Seeing it while still reading Isabel Wilkerson’s “Caste” infused the story with an intensity and collective shame that is difficult to experience and tolerate. So what?—truth matters, probably never more than when it’s disturbing.

For a memoir sequel, (which I have started on somewhat,) I wrote a half chapter about being a mother. I figured I might as well try to knock out some of the more challenging topics. Writing about being a mother is challenging because it’s hard to find words that convey the feelings, the doubts, the fears, the most expansive of love, the pride, the enormous upside-down life changes—without filling pages with the purpliest of prose. I impressed myself in no short order, which sounds great, but it’s not actually. Impressing myself just means that it will be even harder to continue at that level and that maybe the best writing one can create has been depleted within a couple of paragraphs.

This book #2: second sequel of a memoir, keeps jumping in the backseat and I haven’t figured out why, other than having to focus on immediate concerns right in front of me. So in the meantime, I chip away at it, a page here, a page there.

Doing a lot of chipping away generally, on making “All I Ever Wanted” into some sort of compelling amazing TV series. On finding my way into this process of being the entire musical accompaniment to a theatrical production of “Head Over Heels.” On short stories and fiction writing. On new music—in fact, ”Hurry” has slid so far past the backseat, it’s in a trailer hitched to the rest of everything.

Everything just keeps happening. Which is a good thing because it means we’re living, right? Chipping away is it’s own continuity.

I’m thrilled to be a British citizen. Going to try ASAP to see if the NHS will do better by me with a new aging health prob, ugh. About a month ago I started noticing my right eye seemed different. Got up the nerve to go check it out, the good news it’s a cataract. The wearing out of parts just keeps piling up around here. The more good news is the cataract isn’t bad enough yet for insurance to cover the surgery. The bad news is it’s bad enough to bother me, and elective surgery costs a fortune. So, UK, here I come: me and my aging, cataract eye.

Oops now I’m doing that old thing of talking about ailments when I just meant to be glad I got my citizenship finalized. But really…64, come on: I’ve lost 2 teeth and a polyp and gained 10lbs and a cataract. This is actual oldness shit but the disconnect is that I’m still feeling most of the time like a goofball in my 20’s.

Flying to LA with Audrey. Very excited to spend some family time with her and her dad. We will be watching the Lakers round 3 playoff games. Some of my happiest married times was going to Laker games—Steven and I shared season tickets with another couple. A top Hollywood agent had the seats next to us and would give them to clients—besides the fantastic Kobe/Shaq, Derek Fisher era, it was always a fun surprise to find ourselves next to an icon. So we still share the love—we have great couchside seats now. Continuity.

I’ll also get to hang out with the band Fanny, who have been diligently claiming their legacy and place in the annals of under-recognized music accomplishments. I admire these women a lot: they became musicians and started bands in the early 60’s. They didn’t have female rock stars to inspire them but picked up instruments, practiced, gigged and toured relentlessly, got signed to a record deal, released an album each year for 4 years from 1970—and went on to keep music central in each of their lives. Now well into their 70’s, with a documentary (that I’m briefly interviewed in) about to get released, they are doing a series of shows and events and I’ve been asked to introduce them onstage at the Whisky.

This all feels like more continuity for me: the Whisky always holds an important part of my music history, and the thread and bond between all-women bands is a sisterhood that crosses generations and genres.

I really really want to do a “KV’s Etymological Garden” on the Latin root “gen” and the evolution of words like ‘genre,’ ‘generation,’ ‘generic,’ ‘degenerate’ etc etc but it’s been a while and there’s loads of new subscribers. Maybe it’s time for the first “Direction of Motion” poll and ask if you guys enjoy the Etymological Garden? Because they take some time and effort to do. I love it, but am happy to do for my own amusement and not subject you all to my word tangents.

Back to Fanny. Fanny did some excellent cover versions—they had great taste in music and choosing the songs that showcased their talents best—but this original “Thinking of You” is one of my faves. Romantic and soulful. Check out “Charity Ball” to hear them rock.

More continuity! While in LA, I’ll be playing with my dear friend of 46 years, the woman I started two of my early bands, the Violators and the Textones with: Carla Olson. I’ve been hearing for some time about the Wild Honey Foundation music events to raise awareness and funds for charity (Charity Ball!) and am thrilled to be invited to join in with this all-star concert revue. It’s a celebration of 50 years of the Nuggets compilation that Lenny Kaye curated of all the essential garage and psychedelia and general collection of raw, primitive one-offs by bands that might have otherwise been forgotten. I’ll be doing “You’re Gonna Miss Me” by Austin’s very own 13th Floor Elevators with Carla, and sitting in on guitar with the Wild Honey band on “Tobacco Road” and “Oh Yeah.” How funny is it that Fanny’s Millington sisters, June and Jean, also had a band called “Wild Honey” ?!?!? CONTINUITY.

As always, I thank you all for your time and attention and subscriptions. Please help keep The Direction of Motion growing and thriving and I will do my best to bring us together with candor and thoughtfulness. xxKV