29) The Unwasted Life

Senescence, Seneca...and donuts

As you can hear, I found a new (to me) word to apply to the state of oldness: senescence. Here’s the definition—

noun Biology

noun: senescence

1. the condition or process of deterioration with age.

   • loss of a cell's power of division and growth.

Without doing my whole KV’s Etymological Garden© thing, because it takes a bit more time than I feel like taking, I can tell you off the top of my head¹ that the root would be from the Latin “senex” which means…old. One tiny step in any direction leads us to “senior” and “senile.”

There’s also an adjective version; senescent. Example: how the hell can I feel so young and senescent at the same time? I don’t want to dwell on this or write about it for now, but it’ll be a useful word as I continue to wrestle with coming of aging. Which is a luxury really, given there’s only one way out of becoming senescent. A way that’s seeping into life in a much more noticeable fashion these days.

It’s not a remedy, but there’s relief from the grief, a salve, when we remember that time is borrowed and the unpredictable allotment we have can be spent in wonderfully wise, fulfilling ways.

Reportedly-supposedly² in ancient Rome when a general came back from battle as a conquering hero for preserving or expanding the empire, he’d get this extravagant victory celebration. Parading through the streets wearing a regal purple and gold toga, in a fancy chariot, hundreds of thousands of Romans cheered and hailed the champion. While this spectacle is going on, tradition called for a bunch of other Romans to sit behind him, whispering non-stop in his ear: Memento mori, memento mori, memento mori…which basically translates to “remember you too must die.”

Harsh maybe, but there’s a practical and useful case for keeping it in mind. I’m not a great fan of the Stoic philosopher Seneca but I agree with his take on the brevity of life:

It is not that we have a short space of time, but that we waste much of it. Life is long enough, and it has been given in sufficiently generous measure to allow the accomplishment of the very greatest things if the whole of it is well invested…the life we receive is not short, but we make it so, nor do we have any lack of it, but are wasteful of it.

(Seriously tho, regardless of all that: reaper dude needs to take a long vacation.)

I’m no stranger to the feeling of urgency, the looming sense of some swirling mist of an expiration date always looking for some person to land on. I make a point to use and fill my time in productive and creative ways while also fulfilling needs for nature, friendship, exercise, culture; both high-brow and low-brow. It’s not always easy, and so dependent on sleep. Because the musical—opening in just 9 days—is demanding and requires my full focus and energy, I’ve been working on my sleep patterns.

I thought maybe my night owl tendency was more habit than nature, and wondered if I could change it. I got an Oura ring to see what was up with my sleep, learn about patterns and whatnot. I’m not sure whether it’s benefiting me, in some ways it’s bothersome because if you’re tossing or turning or getting up to pee, the ring knows you’re awake and makes an angry red light. Much to my perfectionist dismay, the ring finds numerous times to be annoyed with me, the red light circling my finger as I try to conquer my restless mind and body.

In the morning I check my sleep stats and it tells everything: how much deep sleep I got, REM, heart rate, oxygen, breathing regularity.

One night I actually managed to go to bed by 10pm, thinking aha, I will get top grades from my Oura ring—but no, I got a “fair score” of 67—I’ve never gotten a “C” in my life!—and it told me my ideal bedtime, based on collected data, was between 12:15-1:15. Well, ok. Trying that tonight. It’s still better than my former 2-3 a.m. bedtimes.

So I learn about each night’s sleep stuff, try and make changes to make it better, but still most days I feel tired. It’s hard to live an un-wasteful life if you’re tired. I do crazy things when I’m tired, like eat donuts.

Insanely excited about Head Over Heels starting!!! Tomorrow we start tech rehearsals, on the theater stage. The cast is so good, I laugh at the best joke lines every time despite having heard them repeatedly because the delivery is always great. All the preparation the band did is being adjusted now to match the dialog and action of the performers, so it’s been a new challenge. Now we do it all in a different space, with in-ear monitors. This week will be long and hard, and next time you hear from me we will have done a public show, so I’m glad to get this dispatch out tonight.

Today was a day off and I spent it (yawning) in the studio, finishing the track “We Don’t Play” with Zach Person. It’s off to be mastered, then we get to put it out in the world. It needs to be played at NBA and March Madness games! I have no idea how to make that happen. If you are connected, hit me up, it’s perfect.

I’ve numbered this dispatch #29 and left the last Sinéad one one un-numbered since I think it was kind of an anomaly and off topic from my usual direction of motion, in case you notice incidental things like that!

I thank you all for subscribing, reading, spending a little time with me and welcome to new subscribers! I hope you enjoy and if you’re tired one day and want to lounge around reading some prior dispatches, I’m sure Seneca would approve of that being a sound investment of time : )

My first footnotes in awhile!

1. I loved Latin, took a year at Pasadena City College back in the 90’s when I had aspirations to be a Classics major. I really wanted to read the words of Romans like Caesar and Tacitus in the original language. Then music came back with touring opportunities and I never found the time and incentive to pursue further.

2. Some scholars question this accounting, but I love it regardless of whether it’s fact or fiction.