The evening I recorded this, I meant to just spend 15-20 minutes on “Hurry” because I hadn’t worked on the song in two days. Instead, I stayed up late working a couple of hours. It was fruitful, but took awhile to make my choices. I edited the video to give you an idea how many things I tried; what I started out wanting to do and what I ended up with. Basically, I ditched the idea I’d been running with for awhile—the whole third verse biz, lyrics and all, and decided that after the instrumental part (which I didn’t have before this video) that I’d do a half chorus and go out on a new part, a looping refrain.
Maybe some songwriters just pour everything out in a big creative burst. But for me usually, a song is the result of labor and making conscious decisions about what stays and what goes. That’s the crafting part. The actual creation/inspiration sparky part is generating and executing ideas that get placed, discarded, used, edited, modified.
My most significant growth as a songwriter happened when I came to believe I was actually good at it and could trust my judgment. For years I suspected I was just very lucky (I am that as well.) I was well into my 30’s before I internalized/accepted/came to know I had talent. It’s wild to think I’d had enormous success in my twenties without even considering talent. I was just going for what I wanted to do. There’s something profound in that, but I’m not sure what it is.
Being in a place where one is confident in one’s abilities is what I preach the most when asked for advice about these sort of things. I say: put yourself in a place where you have to make creative decisions. Then decide for yourself if you’re happy with the result of those decisions.
Of course, it’s not an absolute—I question and doubt my work, that’s part of the process too. I always thought this meme summed it up perfectly:
Right now, in ‘Hurry’ I’m on 2. We’ll have to see if I hit the others. I might get to bypass 3 & 4 since I put the song aside when I first thought of it, but never forgot about it and knew I’d go back to it one day. Also, it is just a meme, not actual facts.
Here’s an interesting or ironic thing: what I always wanted most, and liked most—being in a band—didn’t do much for me believing in myself. There’s a reason for that.
Many bands operate like a democracy—the ones I’ve been in do. And we all know how democracy works: in theory, it’s the best way for a group of people to make decisions. In practice, a lot goes wrong, even if you take the corruption part out of it. Democracies don’t always recognize or appreciate the best ideas. Neither do bands. And there’s the problem of those pesky factions, as James Madison was quick to take note of in Federalist No. 10. Or as the infamous reality show “Survivor” called them: alliances. Factions and alliances work hard to get things to go their way.
To be clear, I’m not saying that no one listened to my ideas—I was always, still am, an active and vocal participant in every aspect of being a band member. I don’t have problems standing up for myself or offering up suggestions and ideas. What I am saying is that doing stuff outside a band, like making a solo record, gave me a chance to try anything and everything I wanted. In terms of musical parts, production, lyrics…the whole shebang.
And that process, where no one was modifying or arguing or overriding or dismissing or compromising or just wanting to have their way…that is when I figured out who I was musically. It made me see my value. How I wish I’d recognized my value sooner. I absolutely love being in a band and don’t have ambitions to be a solo music performer. But it’s awfully fun to make records and songs and get to call all the shots.
So that’s another something I tell people who ask for advice about careers in music: give yourself the opportunity to see what you’re capable of. Really, this is applicable all around isn’t it? Like raising kids: if they aren’t given the opportunity to be responsible, independent or self-sufficient they will lack confidence.
Anyway. The song. “Hurry” is far enough along that I think I’ll start recording it. There’s still arranging that needs to be done and more lyrics needed at the end, but recording will help get that sorted. It will be fun to show you that part of the process.
Here’s a milestone I need to relate: On January 21st, 34 years ago, three weeks into 1989, I decided to stop drinking. It was the most fundamentally important crossroads of my life. I wrote in this excerpt from “All I Ever Wanted”….
When comprehension blows through the clouds of the addicted mind, when the understanding is bound to an impulse to stop, it’s like a mystical connection occurring— maybe even a divine intervention. Free will exerts its own power, but it’s a far lesser choice when one can choose between that and the divine.
I’ll also add this quote from the book, in the spirit of conveying a message. If it only resonates with one reader, it’s doing it’s own divine work.
…there is something we functioning alcoholics do really well: trick people and make sure no one can tell how bad we are. If they knew, we might have to face it.
I wasn’t a falling down incompetent drunken addict. But I knew, for years, under layers of fear and denial, that I had a problem and that my best self was incapable of emerging until I dealt with it. If you suspect your life could be better without drinking, you probably know someone who is sober: someone you can ask for help in learning how to live happily and freely without it.
Incremental progress. This is how I intend to find my way and purpose and aim for whatever “next chapter” emerges. I talk about moving to London a lot, to friends, acquaintances, people I meet. I speak of it with energy and enthusiasm and convey a boldness that echoes an earlier version of me. Like I’m longing to take that young swaggy self off the hanger from the back of the closet and wear it again, because it would be useful now. But it’s not going to fit anymore, or feel the same. Maybe it’s ok to “fake it til you make it” or “act as if”—I’ve got plenty of practice at that, as a performer if nothing else. But it remains to be seen how 64 year old me is going to deal with implementing some very big and what feels like necessary changes. Maybe it’s going to be like the creative process meme, and right now I’m on the “this is tricky” part. It sure feels tricky to get rid of all my shit and move overseas. Alone.
Please share your alone accomplishments, I’d love to hear, and be inspired.
England seems far away now, my time there is less vivid, but I’m being pulled back. A bungee thread. I sense that particular destination is holding some destiny stuff meant for me.
Until then,there’s some really cool stuff coming up presently, carrying me to the end of Feb. Here is the boiled down version of the stuff: Mountain Goats. Fred Armisen. AXS TV. Grimeys. Nancy Sinatra. I needed the work and grateful for it.
Hey, before I close, I want to say a big loud joyful
THANK YOU!
to the people who went for the credit card and became a paid subscriber. If you’re sticking with the free subscription—all content is available either way—I’m grateful for your time and interest. There is still the option to buy me a coffee. I love having a Substack and readers, but it takes way more time than I realized it would. And as “Hurry” is about, I don’t know how much of that I’ve got—it’s a mysterious, certainly limited, resource—mine is of utmost value to me. We’re always either giving away or selling our precious time.
Also, confounded social media is the only way I have to get the word out about the Direction of Motion…if you want to help, there’s this:
Thank you for reading the direction of motion! xxK
Share this post