I'm a jewelry wearing person to and ended up taking after my mom: taking off the jewelry when I got home. She would take off her jewelry because she was always afraid she'd lose it while cleaning/doing laundry/sleeping/taking a shower, etc. When I started wearing my own jewelry, I found myself doing the same. So, when you say you don't take off your jewelry, you really don't take it off? Even when you shower or go to sleep at night? Just curious.
yes, even when I shower and sleep at night. I have been moving rings around some since losing my horseshoe ring, which I wore on my left pointer finger. All the replacement rings I've tried interfere with guitar playing so sometimes I have to leave that finger bare, remove a ring if I'm playing
I did this for my mom a lot. She suffered from mental health issues her whole life and I was very protective of her, especially with my brother and sister, who I felt made fun of her issues and always seem to not respect my relationship with her, since I had decided to leave home (New Jersey and Philly area) and strike out on my own as a young queer. I started therapy very young and got sober fairly young too, thank goodness else I probably wouldn’t be alive now. I always relate when you write about your mom. My mom wasn’t the addict of my parents though, my Dad was . I idolized him and still do in many ways, and both have passed on. Many years of therapy and so much 12 Step and gave me forgiveness to them both for dying young and leaving me behind and neglecting me as a youngster. I had been told time again their neglect was abuse, however that made me so angry and filled me with hate. It was 12 Step that taught me forgiveness. Thanks for this great Substack Kathy! Rock on!
KV, during some therapy I received after my mother died, my therapist suggested that "future Lyn" is more than capable of handling situations as they arise instead of trying to game out every potential unpleasant scenario in advance. "Seven months into [your] move, and it's happened" -- I know "future Kathy" will figure it out day by day.
100% resonates with some family and friends who I think could be more happy if they made some changes. If I say too much I’m being judgmental. If I back off I don’t care. It’s hard to find the balance. If resorted to listening and the baby step recommendations you have mentioned. And occasional I get very blunt and then either get a hug or ignored for a few months. Fun stuff life is. Can’t wait to hear the news !
"I feel gutted sick with heart-shattering sorrow."
I'm going through a similar situation. Can you recommend any books or other reading you found through your studying suffering and loss? I don't know where to begin to look, since I don't go in for the self-help genre. I'd be so grateful for suggestions from you, since you take a philosophical, reflective approach, and show so much wisdom in your own writing. Thank you!
Another great blog Kathy. Again another poignant post about your Dad. My Dad didn't leave (as such) but died when I was 9 - I do have some nice memories but not many. I don't have any sentimental objects that remind me of him like your Dad's ring - I hope you find it. In respect of making someone happy - I'm not sure that anyone can. Emotions are fleeting and changing all the time. 'Happiness" is the way that an individual copes with 'sweating the small stuff' - and rolling with the punches that life gives us. You can empathise and help another person but in the long run their 'happiness' depends on them. Looking forward to seeing you out on the road in the UK solo when you tour.
Hi. Fellow American expat here. 🙂 I'm from NJ and moved to England nearly 24 years ago, after marrying a British guy. I totally get the "what happens if my family needs me" or "what do I do if something happens back in the US?" It's hard. My dad died suddenly in 2013, and stupid me had let my US passport expire. So I missed his funeral. I managed to get back a few weeks after that, for my mom. Then last year my mom was very ill so I had to make a trip home. During that trip my husband had a fall and broke his foot. So after that trip I had stuff here in the UK to deal with. Then mom died in January and I missed that too, due to looking after my husband (they live-streamed it, though, so at least I saw it.) I still have siblings in NJ and thanks to social media we keep in touch. It really is an adjustment and when I decided to move here I did think of these things but me being me I thought, "Eh, I'll deal with it when it happens." You can never be prepared. I hope things go well for you, it's hard to take care of people when you're far away. I play the guitar and write too, and am finding songwriting to be very comforting.
Ohhhh, I know THAT struggle! You know the "God grant me..." prayer? I've got the courage and the wisdom down, but the serenity continues to elude me. Takes me awhile to figure out what I can change and what I can't, so in place of serenity I rely on humility. When no one has called on me to "fix" them, I need to remain a caring but modest presence, offering support without condition. Practicing humility has the additional benefit of helping me avoid arguments with people who vote differently or have opinions I don't share.
I am the opposite of you, I hate jewelry and stopped wearing my wedding ring after a while. As far as helping a loved one improve their life, I will not be of any help to you! As far as your acting goes, you were by far the best actor in that movie! After hearing you won an award for acting, I watched the movie and did not like it at all, but loved your character, Jan! If Jan was a bartender near me, I would have become a regular customer! Have you been in any other acting roles over the years? I saw you on the Drew Carey show back in the day.
The other actors were good, but I thought your acting was the best. I really wanted to like this movie so much, and I was hoping you would pick up some more acting jobs from it. I will admit I might be biased towards you because I am a big fan of your music, but I still think you were the best actor in the movie and your award validates my opinion. Have a nice Summer!
I'm a jewelry wearing person to and ended up taking after my mom: taking off the jewelry when I got home. She would take off her jewelry because she was always afraid she'd lose it while cleaning/doing laundry/sleeping/taking a shower, etc. When I started wearing my own jewelry, I found myself doing the same. So, when you say you don't take off your jewelry, you really don't take it off? Even when you shower or go to sleep at night? Just curious.
yes, even when I shower and sleep at night. I have been moving rings around some since losing my horseshoe ring, which I wore on my left pointer finger. All the replacement rings I've tried interfere with guitar playing so sometimes I have to leave that finger bare, remove a ring if I'm playing
Wow, that's interesting. I'd be afraid they'd slip off my finger in the water or I'd strangle myself in my sleep wearing a necklace. LOL
I did this for my mom a lot. She suffered from mental health issues her whole life and I was very protective of her, especially with my brother and sister, who I felt made fun of her issues and always seem to not respect my relationship with her, since I had decided to leave home (New Jersey and Philly area) and strike out on my own as a young queer. I started therapy very young and got sober fairly young too, thank goodness else I probably wouldn’t be alive now. I always relate when you write about your mom. My mom wasn’t the addict of my parents though, my Dad was . I idolized him and still do in many ways, and both have passed on. Many years of therapy and so much 12 Step and gave me forgiveness to them both for dying young and leaving me behind and neglecting me as a youngster. I had been told time again their neglect was abuse, however that made me so angry and filled me with hate. It was 12 Step that taught me forgiveness. Thanks for this great Substack Kathy! Rock on!
KV, during some therapy I received after my mother died, my therapist suggested that "future Lyn" is more than capable of handling situations as they arise instead of trying to game out every potential unpleasant scenario in advance. "Seven months into [your] move, and it's happened" -- I know "future Kathy" will figure it out day by day.
100% resonates with some family and friends who I think could be more happy if they made some changes. If I say too much I’m being judgmental. If I back off I don’t care. It’s hard to find the balance. If resorted to listening and the baby step recommendations you have mentioned. And occasional I get very blunt and then either get a hug or ignored for a few months. Fun stuff life is. Can’t wait to hear the news !
"I feel gutted sick with heart-shattering sorrow."
I'm going through a similar situation. Can you recommend any books or other reading you found through your studying suffering and loss? I don't know where to begin to look, since I don't go in for the self-help genre. I'd be so grateful for suggestions from you, since you take a philosophical, reflective approach, and show so much wisdom in your own writing. Thank you!
Another great blog Kathy. Again another poignant post about your Dad. My Dad didn't leave (as such) but died when I was 9 - I do have some nice memories but not many. I don't have any sentimental objects that remind me of him like your Dad's ring - I hope you find it. In respect of making someone happy - I'm not sure that anyone can. Emotions are fleeting and changing all the time. 'Happiness" is the way that an individual copes with 'sweating the small stuff' - and rolling with the punches that life gives us. You can empathise and help another person but in the long run their 'happiness' depends on them. Looking forward to seeing you out on the road in the UK solo when you tour.
Hope your ring magically shows up! 🕊💙📚🎶
Now I have to wait on pins and needles for the upcoming news. 😩 I saw the film you mentioned. I enjoyed it. ♥️
Love the "Yikes", to fail or succeed, either way is good.
Yes, easier said than done specially if you worry…sending good vibs to you and your friends
Tnx KV 👍🎸
xD
Hi. Fellow American expat here. 🙂 I'm from NJ and moved to England nearly 24 years ago, after marrying a British guy. I totally get the "what happens if my family needs me" or "what do I do if something happens back in the US?" It's hard. My dad died suddenly in 2013, and stupid me had let my US passport expire. So I missed his funeral. I managed to get back a few weeks after that, for my mom. Then last year my mom was very ill so I had to make a trip home. During that trip my husband had a fall and broke his foot. So after that trip I had stuff here in the UK to deal with. Then mom died in January and I missed that too, due to looking after my husband (they live-streamed it, though, so at least I saw it.) I still have siblings in NJ and thanks to social media we keep in touch. It really is an adjustment and when I decided to move here I did think of these things but me being me I thought, "Eh, I'll deal with it when it happens." You can never be prepared. I hope things go well for you, it's hard to take care of people when you're far away. I play the guitar and write too, and am finding songwriting to be very comforting.
amen
Ohhhh, I know THAT struggle! You know the "God grant me..." prayer? I've got the courage and the wisdom down, but the serenity continues to elude me. Takes me awhile to figure out what I can change and what I can't, so in place of serenity I rely on humility. When no one has called on me to "fix" them, I need to remain a caring but modest presence, offering support without condition. Practicing humility has the additional benefit of helping me avoid arguments with people who vote differently or have opinions I don't share.
I'm curious to hear the good news!
I am the opposite of you, I hate jewelry and stopped wearing my wedding ring after a while. As far as helping a loved one improve their life, I will not be of any help to you! As far as your acting goes, you were by far the best actor in that movie! After hearing you won an award for acting, I watched the movie and did not like it at all, but loved your character, Jan! If Jan was a bartender near me, I would have become a regular customer! Have you been in any other acting roles over the years? I saw you on the Drew Carey show back in the day.
no other roles, no. I disagree though, I think Savannah and all the other actors did a great job!
The other actors were good, but I thought your acting was the best. I really wanted to like this movie so much, and I was hoping you would pick up some more acting jobs from it. I will admit I might be biased towards you because I am a big fan of your music, but I still think you were the best actor in the movie and your award validates my opinion. Have a nice Summer!
Hayy, Necko. I also like saying hey and pointing at a bale of hay while driving the roads of Lodi.