there have been many choices I made during my only music, band years that I gave less thought than I should, which at times over the years I contemplate "what would life be" if I had said "yes" or said "no". But.... if I had, would there be any life at all, now. That is not really an answer to your question, but perhaps it's the reflection of the answer. Or the opposite. Shit, I dunno. xo
Not sure if this is a good example but as a child/teenager I was interested in drama classes so wanted to head to Broadway (lol seems funny now!) After h.s. graduation in ‘92 I ended up in the hospital for two weeks with stones in my pancreas. Eventually it became chronic. I decided I wanted to help other pancreatitis patients so I went to nursing school & became a GI nurse. It was rewarding bc I advocated for the patients suffering from the same affliction & they appreciated having a nurse to whom they could relate who wouldn’t judge them as “just drug-seekers” which pancreatitis patients get a bad rap for. I eventually got burned out- not from the patients but from the job. (I found that saying that nurses eat their young to be true sadly.) My father had worked with & befriended a psychiatric resident whom he invited to join our family for dinner. He brought his girlfriend who happened to be a psych nurse on the outpatient adolescent floor of the psych hospital that was part of the Medical University Of SC where I worked. She put in a good word for me so I wound up doing a semester internship under her. It was awesome. Then another doctor friend’s wife who was a psych nurse helped me get a part-time job on the adult inpatient psych unit. Getting my foot in the door there led to my ultimate dream job working on the adolescent inpatient unit. (I would’ve paid them to work there!) But after several years my initial illness led to my biggest regret which was (botched) surgery that led to dependence on painkillers forcing me to have to give up my dream job. However now that I’m finally off drugs I’m hoping to get stronger & return to the job I loved. So to make a long story EVEN LONGER…my life is a product of those little decisions good & bad, small & large. However good or bad, they did allow me to relate to & empathize with others who also suffer (thus a human connection). And it all started with that heavily fried Spanish food I ate 31 years ago which put me in the hospital at age 18!😀
Sep 15, 2023·edited Sep 15, 2023Liked by Kathy Valentine
Changing my kids life. Long time friends owned a music store and were closing it to lease the property to a convenience store chain. They gave us an old bass guitar that sat untouched for a few years when during the pandemic our 9th grade son picked it up and started “noodling” in it. Leaving out many details, fast forward 3+ years and he now plays bass in the school jazz ensemble and last year auditioned for and was selected to the high school all-county jazz band. He also taught himself piano and drums. If we never were given that old bass, none of this would have occurred. Here he is sitting in with a local jazz trio.
As things in my life are kind of up in the air right now, I'm trying to use it as prime fodder so to speak for writing music and stories myself, although I have to admit the stories aren't quite as good as the music stuff but I'm more new at that LOL. I'm sure glad I got the chance to meet you when I did since your life seemed so crazy busy these days, and you will be overseas a lot. But cheers to meeting you again sweetie, you were just such a joy to meet and hope to continue conversing with one way or another in the future, much love 💕😘 HR x
For me, growing old has been entirely about connecting the dots. The earlier bits of our lives are about building a frame of reference. The joke on us is that by the time we've started to figure things out it's nearly always too late for that enlightenment to be of any use. By the way, is there any particular reason, that you feel like sharing, why you're relocating to the UK? (asking for a friend!)
I'm really devastated that I couldn't make the trip to Austin, to see Head Over Heels. Between money issues and testing positive for Covid, it just wasn't happening. Can't believe I had to miss it!
As for tiny dots...I'm not sure if this is as tiny as what you're looking for. The only thing I could think of is that I took a 2-hour class on public speaking, because I wanted to challenge myself to get over my fear of being on stage in front of people. But the instructor didn't make us get on stage. So I decided I would have to take his 4-day class in standup comedy. I thought it would help me get more comfortable on stage. I never expected that the class would laugh at all of my jokes, and I would go on to become a standup comedian on a regular basis!
I'm constantly thinking I never should have left archaeology, or I never should have taken this job, or that job. But then I look at all of the activities and traveling and friendships that grew out of each choice I made. I really couldn't take any of it back, at this point.
I was a quiet, well behaved child. One day, at the age of 6, I used the word "NO" with an authority figure for the first time. I'm not sure how to describe the feeling but I know it changed my ability to advocate for myself in a way that I did not know existed before that moment. It is a life lesson I have never forgotten.
Gosh, what I have been reminded of this week with the anniversary of 9/11 are the stories we have heard about people who escaped sure death that day because they were late to work....missed a train, their alarm didn't go off, something like that. I can't think of anything in my life like what you described. I do know my life would have been very different if I hadn't moved to KY to apply to PT school. If I had not been admitted to the program, I would have moved back to Texas. And what about my decision to move to Louisville after PT school instead of immediately moving back to Texas? I had made good friends in Louisville during the 3 years I attended school in Lexington (including the friend with whom I traveled to the UK). I was only going to live there one year and then move back to Texas but God had other plans, I guess. And I wouldn’t change anything now. And, of course, your story of how the chance meeting of Charlotte in the restroom at The Whiskey changed your life is amazing.
Safe travels to England! I hope the writing retreat works out for you. 🙂
Sep 13, 2023·edited Sep 13, 2023Liked by Kathy Valentine
Congratulations on a happy, heartfelt end to a successful run.
When I was lad (got to get you acculturated to Britain) I was often sick, which meant I had to stay home and miss school (which I did not mind at all). Since my mom worked during the day, I had to be dropped off at my grandmother's place. So what to do? Watch TV? Sure, but that got boring after a while. It turned out that next to the TV was a wooden box stuffed with paperbacks that my aunts and uncles once read (My grandmother was first generation American and did not know English so our communications were minimal). The paperbacks were of all sorts, mostly fiction from all genres. So I started reading them. Don't remember any of the titles, except for Aldous Huxley's "Brave New World" (the one with the somewhat risque cover for the time). Soon I started reading them without watching TV first. Later, while exploring the house's attic, I discovered more discarded books, this time both fiction and non-fiction. My stays at my grandmother's place probably help established reading as my favorite source of entertainment.
This experience soon resulted in me internalizing the attitude that education goes well beyond the classroom. Even though my formal education extended to the attainment of advanced degrees, I still maintain that rogue reading habit of picking up something new to read...probably one set of readings now enriches the other.
I once visited Morocco about thirty years ago. So sad to read about the deadly earthquake. Makes me truly appreciate the simple fact that I have a roof over me head. I hope you and group can successfully combine the retreat with some sort of service.
Good luck with your organizing the British phase of your life.
My friend suffered a sneak-attack breakup (you know, a simple convo like, "Honey, if you're going to be late, can you please call me?" turns into, "Yeah, this just isn't working out."). She called me right after it happened. I went over, but in the 15 it took me to get there, everyone she must've called before me called back, so she was retelling the story (doesn't help) and asking all the Whys (no answers), and I realized it's the same stuff. I've done all of that, other friends have, too. Most of it just makes it worse. I didn't know if it was going to be a blog post or pitched to a magazine...but I ended up writing it as a book. (I was an unproduced screenwriter working on my first novel when this happened. Now I'm writing "self-help"? TF?) When I learned how slowly publishing worked, I started my own imprint and found the digital printer all the big houses used (pre-KDP). That book will turn 17 next month. My 'stack is named after it. It's not quite dropping keys and meeting Joe, but my friend's dumping changed a lot for me. (Her, too, just my change was more fun.) xo
I really did not like PE in Junior High, especially gymnastics.* We had just moved to Abilene (TX), and a friend happened to mention that if you joined the marching band you didn’t have to take PE. That sounded like a sweet deal, so I taught myself how to play the trumpet. Years later in ’83, I received a music scholarship to Agnes Scott College, as their first brass player.
*No issues with gymnastics as a sport. My body just doesn’t move that way.
Hi Kathy. I always enjoy reading your work. I have had crazy moments in my life as well. First, Sept 11, 2001. I was about to board a plane for my hometown, Charlotte, NC. The first planes had hit the World Trade Center towers and the Pentagon. As we were ready to board, the FAA grounded all aircraft. I was in Tampa, FL, about an hour away from the school the President was visiting. Charlotte is a large banking city. My thought was why not fly into a building/buildings in uptown? Disturb the whole financial district? Those men were capable of anything. You never know how many planes could have targeted other areas of the country that day…
I was also in Atlanta for the 1996 Olympics. I was in Centennial Park at the same location of the bombing on the previous day. Too close for comfort. I truly feel that I am one blessed gal.
Best of luck in all you do! Can’t wait for your second book!
Cute though deep story that happened recently. One day a few weeks ago, I was running around doing errands while mentally juggling ideas for a bunch of creative projects, life stuff, etc. I was hurrying and navigating the crazily designed of a strip mall parking lot. The lot empties into a main road, so there's a traffic light at the end of the driveway. It was also very hot and humid that day, the kind of weather that can get people feeling a bit uncomfy. While going through the narrow twists and turns, I was cut off by two other cars, neither of whom seemed to know what they were doing or who was going where. I sighed out loud and felt my annoyance coming up, but I kind of tapped myself on the shoulder and reminded myself that I have a choice about how I feel and that little things like this are exercise for our mental and emotional muscles to deal with bigger things. So I thought for a second how I was glad to have that come to me and started shifting my thoughts and being more patient. That second I turned my head to look out the window while waiting in the line and looked towards the buildings nearby and on one of the walls, the message, "Joy is coming" was in huge black letters. I laughed out loud and thought, yeah it IS! I smiled and went about the rest of my day with that thought. It was a fun little synchronicity and reminder about the entire universe works in a few seconds. :)
there have been many choices I made during my only music, band years that I gave less thought than I should, which at times over the years I contemplate "what would life be" if I had said "yes" or said "no". But.... if I had, would there be any life at all, now. That is not really an answer to your question, but perhaps it's the reflection of the answer. Or the opposite. Shit, I dunno. xo
Not sure if this is a good example but as a child/teenager I was interested in drama classes so wanted to head to Broadway (lol seems funny now!) After h.s. graduation in ‘92 I ended up in the hospital for two weeks with stones in my pancreas. Eventually it became chronic. I decided I wanted to help other pancreatitis patients so I went to nursing school & became a GI nurse. It was rewarding bc I advocated for the patients suffering from the same affliction & they appreciated having a nurse to whom they could relate who wouldn’t judge them as “just drug-seekers” which pancreatitis patients get a bad rap for. I eventually got burned out- not from the patients but from the job. (I found that saying that nurses eat their young to be true sadly.) My father had worked with & befriended a psychiatric resident whom he invited to join our family for dinner. He brought his girlfriend who happened to be a psych nurse on the outpatient adolescent floor of the psych hospital that was part of the Medical University Of SC where I worked. She put in a good word for me so I wound up doing a semester internship under her. It was awesome. Then another doctor friend’s wife who was a psych nurse helped me get a part-time job on the adult inpatient psych unit. Getting my foot in the door there led to my ultimate dream job working on the adolescent inpatient unit. (I would’ve paid them to work there!) But after several years my initial illness led to my biggest regret which was (botched) surgery that led to dependence on painkillers forcing me to have to give up my dream job. However now that I’m finally off drugs I’m hoping to get stronger & return to the job I loved. So to make a long story EVEN LONGER…my life is a product of those little decisions good & bad, small & large. However good or bad, they did allow me to relate to & empathize with others who also suffer (thus a human connection). And it all started with that heavily fried Spanish food I ate 31 years ago which put me in the hospital at age 18!😀
Changing my kids life. Long time friends owned a music store and were closing it to lease the property to a convenience store chain. They gave us an old bass guitar that sat untouched for a few years when during the pandemic our 9th grade son picked it up and started “noodling” in it. Leaving out many details, fast forward 3+ years and he now plays bass in the school jazz ensemble and last year auditioned for and was selected to the high school all-county jazz band. He also taught himself piano and drums. If we never were given that old bass, none of this would have occurred. Here he is sitting in with a local jazz trio.
https://youtu.be/P7you7YA6H0?si=OExYY0EEJJLwWwq1
As things in my life are kind of up in the air right now, I'm trying to use it as prime fodder so to speak for writing music and stories myself, although I have to admit the stories aren't quite as good as the music stuff but I'm more new at that LOL. I'm sure glad I got the chance to meet you when I did since your life seemed so crazy busy these days, and you will be overseas a lot. But cheers to meeting you again sweetie, you were just such a joy to meet and hope to continue conversing with one way or another in the future, much love 💕😘 HR x
For me, growing old has been entirely about connecting the dots. The earlier bits of our lives are about building a frame of reference. The joke on us is that by the time we've started to figure things out it's nearly always too late for that enlightenment to be of any use. By the way, is there any particular reason, that you feel like sharing, why you're relocating to the UK? (asking for a friend!)
I'm really devastated that I couldn't make the trip to Austin, to see Head Over Heels. Between money issues and testing positive for Covid, it just wasn't happening. Can't believe I had to miss it!
As for tiny dots...I'm not sure if this is as tiny as what you're looking for. The only thing I could think of is that I took a 2-hour class on public speaking, because I wanted to challenge myself to get over my fear of being on stage in front of people. But the instructor didn't make us get on stage. So I decided I would have to take his 4-day class in standup comedy. I thought it would help me get more comfortable on stage. I never expected that the class would laugh at all of my jokes, and I would go on to become a standup comedian on a regular basis!
I'm constantly thinking I never should have left archaeology, or I never should have taken this job, or that job. But then I look at all of the activities and traveling and friendships that grew out of each choice I made. I really couldn't take any of it back, at this point.
I was a quiet, well behaved child. One day, at the age of 6, I used the word "NO" with an authority figure for the first time. I'm not sure how to describe the feeling but I know it changed my ability to advocate for myself in a way that I did not know existed before that moment. It is a life lesson I have never forgotten.
Gosh, what I have been reminded of this week with the anniversary of 9/11 are the stories we have heard about people who escaped sure death that day because they were late to work....missed a train, their alarm didn't go off, something like that. I can't think of anything in my life like what you described. I do know my life would have been very different if I hadn't moved to KY to apply to PT school. If I had not been admitted to the program, I would have moved back to Texas. And what about my decision to move to Louisville after PT school instead of immediately moving back to Texas? I had made good friends in Louisville during the 3 years I attended school in Lexington (including the friend with whom I traveled to the UK). I was only going to live there one year and then move back to Texas but God had other plans, I guess. And I wouldn’t change anything now. And, of course, your story of how the chance meeting of Charlotte in the restroom at The Whiskey changed your life is amazing.
Safe travels to England! I hope the writing retreat works out for you. 🙂
A graduation gift - a trip to Australia when I was 17. It changed the dynamics of my life that still shape and challenge my character of
who I am today.
P.S : Safe travels to Morocco and continued prayers for those displaced and who lost loved ones during the earthquake.
Congratulations on a happy, heartfelt end to a successful run.
When I was lad (got to get you acculturated to Britain) I was often sick, which meant I had to stay home and miss school (which I did not mind at all). Since my mom worked during the day, I had to be dropped off at my grandmother's place. So what to do? Watch TV? Sure, but that got boring after a while. It turned out that next to the TV was a wooden box stuffed with paperbacks that my aunts and uncles once read (My grandmother was first generation American and did not know English so our communications were minimal). The paperbacks were of all sorts, mostly fiction from all genres. So I started reading them. Don't remember any of the titles, except for Aldous Huxley's "Brave New World" (the one with the somewhat risque cover for the time). Soon I started reading them without watching TV first. Later, while exploring the house's attic, I discovered more discarded books, this time both fiction and non-fiction. My stays at my grandmother's place probably help established reading as my favorite source of entertainment.
This experience soon resulted in me internalizing the attitude that education goes well beyond the classroom. Even though my formal education extended to the attainment of advanced degrees, I still maintain that rogue reading habit of picking up something new to read...probably one set of readings now enriches the other.
I once visited Morocco about thirty years ago. So sad to read about the deadly earthquake. Makes me truly appreciate the simple fact that I have a roof over me head. I hope you and group can successfully combine the retreat with some sort of service.
Good luck with your organizing the British phase of your life.
Dear Kathy,
Have I got an 'every changed in an instant' story for you ...and I promise it's not of the "I married so-and-so" variety.
Safe Travels on your next endeavours.
My friend suffered a sneak-attack breakup (you know, a simple convo like, "Honey, if you're going to be late, can you please call me?" turns into, "Yeah, this just isn't working out."). She called me right after it happened. I went over, but in the 15 it took me to get there, everyone she must've called before me called back, so she was retelling the story (doesn't help) and asking all the Whys (no answers), and I realized it's the same stuff. I've done all of that, other friends have, too. Most of it just makes it worse. I didn't know if it was going to be a blog post or pitched to a magazine...but I ended up writing it as a book. (I was an unproduced screenwriter working on my first novel when this happened. Now I'm writing "self-help"? TF?) When I learned how slowly publishing worked, I started my own imprint and found the digital printer all the big houses used (pre-KDP). That book will turn 17 next month. My 'stack is named after it. It's not quite dropping keys and meeting Joe, but my friend's dumping changed a lot for me. (Her, too, just my change was more fun.) xo
I really did not like PE in Junior High, especially gymnastics.* We had just moved to Abilene (TX), and a friend happened to mention that if you joined the marching band you didn’t have to take PE. That sounded like a sweet deal, so I taught myself how to play the trumpet. Years later in ’83, I received a music scholarship to Agnes Scott College, as their first brass player.
*No issues with gymnastics as a sport. My body just doesn’t move that way.
Hi Kathy. I always enjoy reading your work. I have had crazy moments in my life as well. First, Sept 11, 2001. I was about to board a plane for my hometown, Charlotte, NC. The first planes had hit the World Trade Center towers and the Pentagon. As we were ready to board, the FAA grounded all aircraft. I was in Tampa, FL, about an hour away from the school the President was visiting. Charlotte is a large banking city. My thought was why not fly into a building/buildings in uptown? Disturb the whole financial district? Those men were capable of anything. You never know how many planes could have targeted other areas of the country that day…
I was also in Atlanta for the 1996 Olympics. I was in Centennial Park at the same location of the bombing on the previous day. Too close for comfort. I truly feel that I am one blessed gal.
Best of luck in all you do! Can’t wait for your second book!
Cute though deep story that happened recently. One day a few weeks ago, I was running around doing errands while mentally juggling ideas for a bunch of creative projects, life stuff, etc. I was hurrying and navigating the crazily designed of a strip mall parking lot. The lot empties into a main road, so there's a traffic light at the end of the driveway. It was also very hot and humid that day, the kind of weather that can get people feeling a bit uncomfy. While going through the narrow twists and turns, I was cut off by two other cars, neither of whom seemed to know what they were doing or who was going where. I sighed out loud and felt my annoyance coming up, but I kind of tapped myself on the shoulder and reminded myself that I have a choice about how I feel and that little things like this are exercise for our mental and emotional muscles to deal with bigger things. So I thought for a second how I was glad to have that come to me and started shifting my thoughts and being more patient. That second I turned my head to look out the window while waiting in the line and looked towards the buildings nearby and on one of the walls, the message, "Joy is coming" was in huge black letters. I laughed out loud and thought, yeah it IS! I smiled and went about the rest of my day with that thought. It was a fun little synchronicity and reminder about the entire universe works in a few seconds. :)