Better late than never...I made a New Year Resolution to increase my efforts to keep in touch with the outside world. For those who know me well, starting a January 1st resolution in mid-February is warp speed! I hope this entry is not too late and someone reads it.
I telecommute for my day job and my non-work time is spent reading and researching (I love the study of history and writing about it--even have publications that people say they liked!), with the occasional sports event, movie, etc. Because I don't have to leave the house much, becoming more insular becomes even more tempting. So here I am...By subscribing to substack the site wonders what I want to enter. Don't know what to do about this. Write about what I had for breakfast? What I read this past week? My thoughts on current affairs? Any suggestions?
I guess for me it a lot of it comes from being bullied at different times in my life, along with me not wanting people to even think they had a chance to get to me. Having PTSD as well doesn't help with my being paranoid that people are trying to take me down or work against me. It's one thing to be cautious but I find I'm over cautious and it prevents me from even trying at times. I don't want to be a pushover but I feel like I'm too hard at times to get to know or have feelings that are more soft. I'd love to find a happy medium
You seem very relatable to how I feel. And you're much braver at facing or experiencing things that could make you sad or sentimental. Even with all my years of sobriety, I still have trouble with things that make me feel emotional, or especially sad. It's the vulnerability part. I always felt like I had to be careful with my showing of vulnerability, I never wanted to seem weak.
thank you for commenting Heather! It took a very long time for me to accept that it was ok not to be or feel or act like I felt strong all the time. I viewed weakness with a lot of negativity and still have to check myself.
I suppose if we are to use Jung's metaphor then perhaps Starland Vocal Band has clearer meaning.
"And the night shall be filled with music, And the cares, that infest the day, Shall fold their tents, like the Arabs, And as silently steal away " Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
I realized that as I am getting older the less tolerant for that bs. Enjoy the memories but keep on moving.
Can’t say it works with family members though. I haven’t been able to grown a nerve to delete their numbers out of my contacts, for that crazy thought of “just in case!”
Oh and I want to thank you for writing about that because it did make me pause and take inventory of my friendships. If I didn't feel like I have been ghosted, then it made me wonder if I was the ghoster. I don't think I have done that but it did encourage some introspection in that regard.
I am really enjoying your posts, they are inspiring me in all different directions. Having lost my parents 15 months ago, 13 days apart, I can relate to some of the themes you've talked about. Even this afternoon I was at their house to "freshen" the house as there is an open house tomorrow (the housing market here is not in a fabulous place, with interest rate increases and devastating floods in the city I live in meaning less potential buyers), and the memories were strong but not overwhelming, as I am taking an approach of celebrating the time I had with them, rather than being remorseful because they are no longer here (I have those feelings too on occasion). Your taking a walk on the route you normally took with your Tux, I hope wasn't too overwhelming.
On the other theme of ghosting, I will put my hand up and say that some people may think I'm a ghoster. It's something I've been working on for many years, but the basis of it is that if I can't see value in myself, I don't see how other could see value in me (I put it to a therapist in terms of me not wanting to "inflict" myself onto people). As I said, it's something I've been working on and will continue to work on going forward. People who have gotten to know me know that this is an aspect of me that I am working on.
I loved reading this post. The weird thing as I was reading it the news came in about Lisa Marie Presley passing. Horrible and sad news. :( She was 54 and hadn't made it to the "afternoon" as mentioned in your post. Re: ghosting, I first heard the term a couple of years ago from my youngest daughter. I am also like you, the one reaching out to my friends. I have one friend I've known since we were teens. We reconnected about 7 years ago after she went thru her divorce and moved closer to my location. But, it's been very hard being friends due to lack of responses (basically mostly texts). She actually joined me and some other friends to see you with the Bluebonnets at the Viper room a few yrs back and she really enjoyed it. She also joined me to see The Go-Go's documentary when it premiered at Sundance. So it's always me who reaches out and does the invites. Very frustrating. :( Re: aging, I turned 60 in July. I can't even believe it sometimes! LOL Anyway, thanks for sharing...I feel I'm just rambling now. ;)
Definitely have those very close to me that I may here from once every year or two and possibly to something I sent a fair time prior to that. My feelings are they are souled not ghosted... Dig the writing Miss and miss the Hill Country.
I just want to add that KV is one of those people who reaches out. I was in the hospital recovering from back-to-back-to-back emergency surgeries a couple of years ago and I got an email from out of the blue from KV checking on me. She's a really good person that I'm happy to know.
So many years ago I got a call from the Sci Fi book club wanting to know why I cancelled. It was because I had read everything they offered. That makes me nothing more than a guy who read a lot. But just like those authors, I can "see" what you write. Thanks and keep it going 👍.
thanks KV, love hearing you process this song out. truly
Better late than never...I made a New Year Resolution to increase my efforts to keep in touch with the outside world. For those who know me well, starting a January 1st resolution in mid-February is warp speed! I hope this entry is not too late and someone reads it.
I telecommute for my day job and my non-work time is spent reading and researching (I love the study of history and writing about it--even have publications that people say they liked!), with the occasional sports event, movie, etc. Because I don't have to leave the house much, becoming more insular becomes even more tempting. So here I am...By subscribing to substack the site wonders what I want to enter. Don't know what to do about this. Write about what I had for breakfast? What I read this past week? My thoughts on current affairs? Any suggestions?
High School juniors.
I guess for me it a lot of it comes from being bullied at different times in my life, along with me not wanting people to even think they had a chance to get to me. Having PTSD as well doesn't help with my being paranoid that people are trying to take me down or work against me. It's one thing to be cautious but I find I'm over cautious and it prevents me from even trying at times. I don't want to be a pushover but I feel like I'm too hard at times to get to know or have feelings that are more soft. I'd love to find a happy medium
You seem very relatable to how I feel. And you're much braver at facing or experiencing things that could make you sad or sentimental. Even with all my years of sobriety, I still have trouble with things that make me feel emotional, or especially sad. It's the vulnerability part. I always felt like I had to be careful with my showing of vulnerability, I never wanted to seem weak.
thank you for commenting Heather! It took a very long time for me to accept that it was ok not to be or feel or act like I felt strong all the time. I viewed weakness with a lot of negativity and still have to check myself.
I suppose if we are to use Jung's metaphor then perhaps Starland Vocal Band has clearer meaning.
"And the night shall be filled with music, And the cares, that infest the day, Shall fold their tents, like the Arabs, And as silently steal away " Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Hi Michael, sorry just saw your comments! Thank you, and also SVB: funny, and Longfellow quote is perfection.
Ghost people do exist, unfortunately!
I realized that as I am getting older the less tolerant for that bs. Enjoy the memories but keep on moving.
Can’t say it works with family members though. I haven’t been able to grown a nerve to delete their numbers out of my contacts, for that crazy thought of “just in case!”
Thank you for your intriguing and joyful writing.
Jose
Oh and I want to thank you for writing about that because it did make me pause and take inventory of my friendships. If I didn't feel like I have been ghosted, then it made me wonder if I was the ghoster. I don't think I have done that but it did encourage some introspection in that regard.
I have no doubt that you will succeed. You are a gifted writer.
Yes, that has to be so frustrating. I have to wonder if it's worth the effort but it would be nice to know why they don't reciprocate.
I am really enjoying your posts, they are inspiring me in all different directions. Having lost my parents 15 months ago, 13 days apart, I can relate to some of the themes you've talked about. Even this afternoon I was at their house to "freshen" the house as there is an open house tomorrow (the housing market here is not in a fabulous place, with interest rate increases and devastating floods in the city I live in meaning less potential buyers), and the memories were strong but not overwhelming, as I am taking an approach of celebrating the time I had with them, rather than being remorseful because they are no longer here (I have those feelings too on occasion). Your taking a walk on the route you normally took with your Tux, I hope wasn't too overwhelming.
On the other theme of ghosting, I will put my hand up and say that some people may think I'm a ghoster. It's something I've been working on for many years, but the basis of it is that if I can't see value in myself, I don't see how other could see value in me (I put it to a therapist in terms of me not wanting to "inflict" myself onto people). As I said, it's something I've been working on and will continue to work on going forward. People who have gotten to know me know that this is an aspect of me that I am working on.
I loved reading this post. The weird thing as I was reading it the news came in about Lisa Marie Presley passing. Horrible and sad news. :( She was 54 and hadn't made it to the "afternoon" as mentioned in your post. Re: ghosting, I first heard the term a couple of years ago from my youngest daughter. I am also like you, the one reaching out to my friends. I have one friend I've known since we were teens. We reconnected about 7 years ago after she went thru her divorce and moved closer to my location. But, it's been very hard being friends due to lack of responses (basically mostly texts). She actually joined me and some other friends to see you with the Bluebonnets at the Viper room a few yrs back and she really enjoyed it. She also joined me to see The Go-Go's documentary when it premiered at Sundance. So it's always me who reaches out and does the invites. Very frustrating. :( Re: aging, I turned 60 in July. I can't even believe it sometimes! LOL Anyway, thanks for sharing...I feel I'm just rambling now. ;)
Lisa Marie is a shock, so was Jeff Beck. Thank you so much for becoming a paid subscriber DeDe! I appreciate your support so much
Definitely have those very close to me that I may here from once every year or two and possibly to something I sent a fair time prior to that. My feelings are they are souled not ghosted... Dig the writing Miss and miss the Hill Country.
I just want to add that KV is one of those people who reaches out. I was in the hospital recovering from back-to-back-to-back emergency surgeries a couple of years ago and I got an email from out of the blue from KV checking on me. She's a really good person that I'm happy to know.
I was scared for you!! Alwasy enjoyed seeing you at our Bluebonnets shows in Houston.
So many years ago I got a call from the Sci Fi book club wanting to know why I cancelled. It was because I had read everything they offered. That makes me nothing more than a guy who read a lot. But just like those authors, I can "see" what you write. Thanks and keep it going 👍.
THank you for this! Happy you're here Jim xokv
🖤