I feel you so much regarding the "super-being". I always felt that with enough sobriety on-hand (3 years on July 27th, HP willing) I could more easily put in place these behaviors that I feel like I should be doing for myself. But alas, I'm not wired that way apparently. What I didn't bank on were all the emotions and fear that have built up in the background to come barreling in and blind-siding me. Now I realize this super-being might just be a fantasy version of me. The version that gets up, stretches for an hour, prays & meditates, feeds the cats & cleans their litter boxes, goes for a brisk walk for some needed exercise, and eats healthy all day long and works out at the gym and turns into a well-adjusted, ripped, muscly, being that can now just glide through life without fear, struggle or stress. I'm starting to think that isn't going to happen, lol. I like what you said, maybe we are all super-beings right now, as we are, and we just don't recognize it because we don't love what we see in the mirror. *sigh* ... I'm sending you light, love and healing regarding your mom. Mine passed away 14 years ago June 3rd and her birthday was June 13th. The first two weeks in June are the hardest 2 weeks to get through. For many years I couldn't stand to be sober during that time. But with time, healing and sobriety I'm more able now that I have ever been to go through those weeks and let myself have the tough emotions and get through it to the other side. Big internet hugs to you ... Started listening to The Big Moon and am loving a significant portion of their music. Thanks for that tip. Have you ever heard of the band Dream Wife? A queer band based in the UK. They are excellent if you find yourself wanting to listen to something new. ... Love reading your dispatches. Totally worth the subscription ...
Hi Steve, you nailed that so perfectly in your description of the ideal you, I had to laugh at how ideal it was. You'd probably be really dull if you were that super-being version! Thank you so much for subscribing, reading, and commenting--I enjoyed reading!
Can you imagine if I did reach that idealized version?? I would be totally insufferable! LOL ... thanks for the kind comment. I look forward to the next dispatch. I hope you're staying nice and cool considering this crazy heat that is happening.
First, I love that pic you've posted before of your mom! She's so pretty. I think your mom and mine look very similar :) . From doing my ancestry/DNA my mom is like 98% British (Texas born!) and so are my 2 daughters being 98% British DNA. I'm however around 85% British per my DNA. It must be really hard for you with the anniversary. I'm so sorry because after reading your book we all know how close you were. I met your mom 2x over the years and she was VERY proud of your success! KV you have to know that all of us, (or most of us) are here because your GG's band touched us all as we were growing up. Teens (in my case) and pre-teens. The summer of 1981 and discovering Beauty and the Beat was "god head" as Rodney would say. :)
So you were dancing to The Doobie Bros, "Listen to the Music." Well I've lived in San Jose, CA almost my entire life (since I was 1.5 yrs old!) and our claim to fame (other than "Silicon Valley" or "Do You Know the way To San Jose?") is our one band that made it big time, The Doobie Brothers. I grew up on their music as a pre-teen/teen. I've seen them a handful of times, and hey...they STILL are GOING! :) My local fave all girl band, Blue House, usually plays that song you were dancing to in the grocery store aisle. :) I couldn't find an example of their cover on my YT channel of them playing that song, but here's them doing Sonny and Cher! <3 https://youtu.be/LaA5Ss3YLLY How cool is that!? :)
Anyway I thought of you earlier while driving in my car and on my Sirius Radio played "Ride Captain Ride" !! I would have never paid attention to that song until you wrote about it! LOL
Thanks Kathy for all of your sharing! I can't wait to see HOH The Musical in Austin next month! :) <3
I also have become those people that sing along or move around in public when I hear a song come on that I enjoy. Music is still the one stable thing that brings me joy so why not?! It usually happens in a grocery store. Last songs I heard were oddly from Michael Penn and Marshall Crenshaw 🤪
I am relatively new to this blog and had to comment to say I loved etymological garden! It's cool that delite was old French and then Saxonized to delight. Huge love on your Mom's passing. Grief is weird and it sounds like you're doing as well as possible.
And break a leg with Head Over Heels! Super exciting. I admire everything Dave Steakley does at Zach Scott and expect it'll be great. It's interesting that you have to learn the songs in a whole new way.
Hi Kathy- Bear in mind you're going into an astrological opposition, so be aware that things may not go as smoothly as you'd like them too, and be patient with yourself. And your Mom memories will become more and more positive as time goes by.
Thanks for being so honest here, it shows you have an open heart. It's appreciated here.
Hi Thom! THanks for this--tell me more about the astrological opposition?? Is it specific to certain people or to everyone? I'm so happy you are here and one of my readers.
Every time I read your Direction of Motion I don't feel so alone with how I feel, and how I handle things.
You do seem a bit more together than I feel, but reading about your mom, you procrastinating with puzzles, things like that sound exactly like what I'm doing
My mom has been gone 5 years as of May 18th, and it still feels like yesterday.
My dad has been gone 5 months as of June 28th. The 6 month mark will have been his 93rd birthday. Not sure how thats going to play out when the day arrives.
Anyway, as I said I like reading your writings because I can really identify with them. Some things got me wondering if its generational though, like the procrastinating and puzzles, etc. I wonder because I know others my age who do the same thing, and I know I'm the same age as you, except your birthday is January and mine is August.
Well, I started down a track of thanking you for making me feel human and not alone, and kind of left the track. I'll stop for now and end with a thank you for sharing yourself with the rest of us. Its much appreciated.
It’s nice to know our rock stars have some of the same hobbies as we do. One of my favorite parts about visiting my Mom’s house (and Dad’s, when he was alive) was always sitting around in the mornings, doing crossword puzzles and Sudoku, and some of the other puzzles. Now that I moved to a house that’s only a mile from my Mom, I don’t get to do that routine much. (I also do Wordle and Quordle every day).
Thanks for the Etymological Garden entry!
I hope you can remember mostly the good things about your Mom’s life. I try hard not to remember my Dad as he was in the hospital, but only to remember him as he was alive. Even the smallest memories - like a joke we shared, or riding bikes together.
As for the healthy stuff, you still look great, but I can relate. In my mind, I love healthy food and working out and doing EFT tapping meditation. But I don’t cook, so I end up eating crap, and I don’t sleep enough, so I’m always rushed, and I try to work out…but I never quite get it all together. Some day! Today!
Kathy, I’ve been a fan of your music for decades, and I’m really enjoying your writing. Just wanted to let you know, the happy images in your memory do eventually push to the front again. I lost both parents, my mother 11 years ago. As I was her caregiver through her cancer, the first year after she died was brutal, because I remembered all the lasts: last Mother’s Day, last outing, last treatment, last day conscious, last kiss I gave her forehead after she was gone...I have pictures of both my parents taken during their declines,and I can’t look at them and can’t throw them out. Eventually, the sad images have recessed behind the memories of happier times, and those are now what first come to mind when I think of them. I wish for you the same peace, and that you remember the better days and laughter soon.❤️
I finally got paid, and reminded myself to subscribe to your post!
I also realized, the original email to this substack I use for another forum to read, so had to re-do this re-enrollment of the profile. Anyway, all set now.
So sorry I have been missing your posts on Twitter, and here... June has been one month I'd rather not entirely reminisce about ever again, and I firmly love the month of June, but this year is for the books.
I needed a distraction from the sadness of the week, of the month, which is why I'm here. (And I apologize for not being online for fairly a month when I do normally send you a note on Twitter.
... and like a realist, things went from bad to worse.
The last week of May was about adversity... started out on a happy but anxious note. (Have you ever had a childhood friend, or a longtime friend whom you pretty much share your lifetime stories with to the point your friend is your extended family? This is what it's all about for the first part of the story)
My best friend told me my "niece" (aka her adopted daughter) was not only pregnant, but 7 mos pregnant! The anxiety was the doctors had told my niece the next pregnancy might be a serious risk to her health. I told my best friend to not get upset, to start getting ready to be a grandmother again (4th time) and we'll all hope and pray for the best.
Less than 24 hrs later, the baby came early. Luckily, the preemie baby was extremely healthy and on- track. (the first male child after 3 daughters!) The mother (my niece) was in ICU as a precaution for all the surgery cesarian section performed... still happy for the family.
24 hrs later, I get the messenger note that my niece was unconscious.
(we enter the month of June now)
72 hrs later the mother of 4 children was taken off life support. (rest in peace Marta)
And all I could remember was back in the late 90's my best friend with me (I came down to visit) extremely happy at the San Diego courthouse with adoption paperwork filled out, waiting to be signed by legal clerks and a judge. Anxiously awaiting to become a mother was my best friend, awaiting for the arrival of a Russian orphan who was going to start living the American Dream...
That dream is over. Now it's two grandparents, a boyfriend, three children trying to grasp why their mother is gone, and an infant who will never get the chance to meet her. And of course, fighting for custody of the remains, and trying to unify siblings since there are 3 different families involved. Currently, it's a rough start for this family united in grief.
That was hard on me... I may be only an honorary auntie, but I deeply feel this loss. I was close to this child up until she moved from home at age 18. We tried social media but COVID complicated a lot of discussions with everybody.
Three weeks in June went by. Purchasing stuff for the kids to somewhat ease the hurt.
and just when I thought things would settle down, it goes from bad to worse quickly!
This past Sunday was extremely traumatic, unexpected, and the tragic results have shattered me to the core.
My beautiful service dog, my hero that saved my life twice when I had low blood sugar levels from diabetes, the last dog my mother had (and the last thing of my mother's life that was of the utmost importance to her) my crossbreed pug/chihuahua Chuckie, died in my arms unexpectedly. (all the symptoms of an opioid overdose, which he probably got from walking through the local park. The vet at the animal hospital could only fit him in on Tuesday morning and he died Monday night (Anger stage is in full swing, and also mad at myself for not being militant about getting him into the ER, and even more upset the vet won't do a necropsy to confirm the evidence of all the symptoms he was having))
So the last two nights were excruciatingly painful. My neighbor gave me her car to go clear my head. (she could probably hear me wailing all night) I need distractions, things to avoid my feelings, my rage, to overcome this "failed mother" instinct from watching him die. My friends have been reaching out to me because they know I'm not okay, even if I insist I am fine. (insert that Steel Magnolias moment)
My dietician stepped in... I'll get started on chair yoga soon. (Tried to walk yesterday, but kept looking to my sides, wondering where the leash was, and the reality would kick in and sobbing would start up, so I went home)
I was so big on faith at the beginning of the month... now I feel there's no point, it's just a ritual. There's life, there's death. Nobody is ever prepared for the finality.
When my Mother died, I hoped she had found all of her friends and acquaintances she missed when they left this word. I hope Chuckie found her and they are snuggled up together someplace cozy with sunlight.
Hugs Kathy! I hope your Mom is happy in the afterlife, and I'm certain she's happy you finally got your British citizenship! (that reminds me my dual citizen grandniece Norah Liberty is celebrating her yankee doodle dandy birthday this weekend)
Hang in there.... my other distraction is music... I have to sleep with the radio on to get through it. The dog is still waking me up in the afterlife, as every 5:30a he would literally wake me up to turn on the radio, just for him! (then he'd sleep for a few additional hours before breakfast) No rest for the weary. He's still waking me up. (I shouldn't be surprised, but I am)
You brought smiles and tears and some kind of fond memories of my mother. Similar as you, I was glad to have had a close relationship with my mom, she was my big supporter and embraced whatever I chose to do for myself. There is nothing that compares that special bonding, friendships come and go but that bonding with a mother never leaves us. My mom passed 8 yrs ago and I still celebrate her birthday, June 25th.
My mom's was a month later, July 25th. I think I will wear the dress again, the one she bought for her 85th and didn't get to have. I wore it at her memorial last year. Thank you for writing Jose.
I can really relate to you as the one year mark approaches. My mother has recently accepted hospice care and I do not look forward to what the weeks ahead may bring. If I thought puzzles would provide enough of a distraction, I would dive right in!
Hi Amy, I hope and bet there are many wonderful moments and hours in the time ahead. Another side to being with parents, or anyone we love, as they are transitioning out of life is that we get to really see who we are, what we are made of. That's a gift.
I've been thinking about you and 🙏 for you knowing you have been dealing with missing your mom. I know she would have been proud of what you have accomplished this past year.
I also do puzzles first thing in the morning starting with wordle and quordle using the same rationale as you. I think it's a perfectly reasonable rationale. 😁
I also do better if I start my day with a quiet time. Bible reading and prayer for me. I'm not as faithful as I should be. Sometimes it's because work issues come up or it's because I just didn't use my time wisely. Sigh....
Thank you for your Etymological Garden. I love ir!!
Also, thanks for the The Big Moon recommendation. I'm always looking for new music. I love the classics but I really need to listen to newer music.
Having lost my parents (11 days apart), I have experienced the type of loss and grief you describe…. That experience shook me to the center of my heart and for the first time in my life felt as if I wouldn’t ever recover emotionally; felt lost, unable to speak at times and returned to work unable to well, work. So I sought help to manage the chasm…specifically to be able to get the last final images of the folks in death/dying. It worked. My counselor said my parents would want me to remember them when they were still in charge of their lives and NOT when they were no longer in charge in the last stages. Nature or illness eventually takes charge and we no longer call the shots…. So why would I want to be remembered in that stage..? Anyway, it made sense to me and freed me to let go, a bit at a time, of those last vestiges and instead focus on the glory days. ✌🏽
Yes I suspect it's a phase, and of course no one wants to be remembered for being sickly but I'm not sure we get a choice as to what we remember. I don't dwell though, on negative thoughts or memories and that surely helps. I'm sorry you went through this too--I lost my dad in 2018, mom in 2022.
It took me about 2 years after my dad died to remember and be able to visualize his memory as healthy and full of life. After taking care of him the last few months of his life, I just couldn't get that image out of my mind. And then one night, out of nowhere, I had a dream of the two of us. I think we were in a grocery store, not really sure. But he was young and healthy, with a sparkle in his eye that I remember from my childhood. It was a long couple of years. Thank you for sharing. I appreciate your honesty.
Thank you for writing Troy, I also think the ick part will dissipate. I love the photo memory reel I made for my mom's memorial because it shows a long, full life.
I feel you so much regarding the "super-being". I always felt that with enough sobriety on-hand (3 years on July 27th, HP willing) I could more easily put in place these behaviors that I feel like I should be doing for myself. But alas, I'm not wired that way apparently. What I didn't bank on were all the emotions and fear that have built up in the background to come barreling in and blind-siding me. Now I realize this super-being might just be a fantasy version of me. The version that gets up, stretches for an hour, prays & meditates, feeds the cats & cleans their litter boxes, goes for a brisk walk for some needed exercise, and eats healthy all day long and works out at the gym and turns into a well-adjusted, ripped, muscly, being that can now just glide through life without fear, struggle or stress. I'm starting to think that isn't going to happen, lol. I like what you said, maybe we are all super-beings right now, as we are, and we just don't recognize it because we don't love what we see in the mirror. *sigh* ... I'm sending you light, love and healing regarding your mom. Mine passed away 14 years ago June 3rd and her birthday was June 13th. The first two weeks in June are the hardest 2 weeks to get through. For many years I couldn't stand to be sober during that time. But with time, healing and sobriety I'm more able now that I have ever been to go through those weeks and let myself have the tough emotions and get through it to the other side. Big internet hugs to you ... Started listening to The Big Moon and am loving a significant portion of their music. Thanks for that tip. Have you ever heard of the band Dream Wife? A queer band based in the UK. They are excellent if you find yourself wanting to listen to something new. ... Love reading your dispatches. Totally worth the subscription ...
Hi Steve, you nailed that so perfectly in your description of the ideal you, I had to laugh at how ideal it was. You'd probably be really dull if you were that super-being version! Thank you so much for subscribing, reading, and commenting--I enjoyed reading!
Can you imagine if I did reach that idealized version?? I would be totally insufferable! LOL ... thanks for the kind comment. I look forward to the next dispatch. I hope you're staying nice and cool considering this crazy heat that is happening.
First, I love that pic you've posted before of your mom! She's so pretty. I think your mom and mine look very similar :) . From doing my ancestry/DNA my mom is like 98% British (Texas born!) and so are my 2 daughters being 98% British DNA. I'm however around 85% British per my DNA. It must be really hard for you with the anniversary. I'm so sorry because after reading your book we all know how close you were. I met your mom 2x over the years and she was VERY proud of your success! KV you have to know that all of us, (or most of us) are here because your GG's band touched us all as we were growing up. Teens (in my case) and pre-teens. The summer of 1981 and discovering Beauty and the Beat was "god head" as Rodney would say. :)
So you were dancing to The Doobie Bros, "Listen to the Music." Well I've lived in San Jose, CA almost my entire life (since I was 1.5 yrs old!) and our claim to fame (other than "Silicon Valley" or "Do You Know the way To San Jose?") is our one band that made it big time, The Doobie Brothers. I grew up on their music as a pre-teen/teen. I've seen them a handful of times, and hey...they STILL are GOING! :) My local fave all girl band, Blue House, usually plays that song you were dancing to in the grocery store aisle. :) I couldn't find an example of their cover on my YT channel of them playing that song, but here's them doing Sonny and Cher! <3 https://youtu.be/LaA5Ss3YLLY How cool is that!? :)
Anyway I thought of you earlier while driving in my car and on my Sirius Radio played "Ride Captain Ride" !! I would have never paid attention to that song until you wrote about it! LOL
Thanks Kathy for all of your sharing! I can't wait to see HOH The Musical in Austin next month! :) <3
Grocery store dancing is the best! It's fun and it's cardio! Bonus points if you sing along too!
I also have become those people that sing along or move around in public when I hear a song come on that I enjoy. Music is still the one stable thing that brings me joy so why not?! It usually happens in a grocery store. Last songs I heard were oddly from Michael Penn and Marshall Crenshaw 🤪
I am relatively new to this blog and had to comment to say I loved etymological garden! It's cool that delite was old French and then Saxonized to delight. Huge love on your Mom's passing. Grief is weird and it sounds like you're doing as well as possible.
And break a leg with Head Over Heels! Super exciting. I admire everything Dave Steakley does at Zach Scott and expect it'll be great. It's interesting that you have to learn the songs in a whole new way.
Hi Tamara, just getting to some of the later comments! THank you so much for reading and I'm really excited to see what Dave does with this show!
Hi Kathy- Bear in mind you're going into an astrological opposition, so be aware that things may not go as smoothly as you'd like them too, and be patient with yourself. And your Mom memories will become more and more positive as time goes by.
Thanks for being so honest here, it shows you have an open heart. It's appreciated here.
Thommy in NJ
Hi Thom! THanks for this--tell me more about the astrological opposition?? Is it specific to certain people or to everyone? I'm so happy you are here and one of my readers.
Hi Kathy,
Every time I read your Direction of Motion I don't feel so alone with how I feel, and how I handle things.
You do seem a bit more together than I feel, but reading about your mom, you procrastinating with puzzles, things like that sound exactly like what I'm doing
My mom has been gone 5 years as of May 18th, and it still feels like yesterday.
My dad has been gone 5 months as of June 28th. The 6 month mark will have been his 93rd birthday. Not sure how thats going to play out when the day arrives.
Anyway, as I said I like reading your writings because I can really identify with them. Some things got me wondering if its generational though, like the procrastinating and puzzles, etc. I wonder because I know others my age who do the same thing, and I know I'm the same age as you, except your birthday is January and mine is August.
Well, I started down a track of thanking you for making me feel human and not alone, and kind of left the track. I'll stop for now and end with a thank you for sharing yourself with the rest of us. Its much appreciated.
Hi Nola - sorry to be late in responding! I am so glad you identify with some of this stuff I write. xK
It’s nice to know our rock stars have some of the same hobbies as we do. One of my favorite parts about visiting my Mom’s house (and Dad’s, when he was alive) was always sitting around in the mornings, doing crossword puzzles and Sudoku, and some of the other puzzles. Now that I moved to a house that’s only a mile from my Mom, I don’t get to do that routine much. (I also do Wordle and Quordle every day).
Thanks for the Etymological Garden entry!
I hope you can remember mostly the good things about your Mom’s life. I try hard not to remember my Dad as he was in the hospital, but only to remember him as he was alive. Even the smallest memories - like a joke we shared, or riding bikes together.
As for the healthy stuff, you still look great, but I can relate. In my mind, I love healthy food and working out and doing EFT tapping meditation. But I don’t cook, so I end up eating crap, and I don’t sleep enough, so I’m always rushed, and I try to work out…but I never quite get it all together. Some day! Today!
Thanks for another great entry!
SAME!!! Thank you for being here, reading and commenting Joyce!
You're welcome. I'm not sure my brain will work well enough to complete a crossword before bed. LOL
Kathy, I’ve been a fan of your music for decades, and I’m really enjoying your writing. Just wanted to let you know, the happy images in your memory do eventually push to the front again. I lost both parents, my mother 11 years ago. As I was her caregiver through her cancer, the first year after she died was brutal, because I remembered all the lasts: last Mother’s Day, last outing, last treatment, last day conscious, last kiss I gave her forehead after she was gone...I have pictures of both my parents taken during their declines,and I can’t look at them and can’t throw them out. Eventually, the sad images have recessed behind the memories of happier times, and those are now what first come to mind when I think of them. I wish for you the same peace, and that you remember the better days and laughter soon.❤️
THank you for this Tracey. I appreciate you sharing your experience, it is helpful.
Hi Kathy!
I finally got paid, and reminded myself to subscribe to your post!
I also realized, the original email to this substack I use for another forum to read, so had to re-do this re-enrollment of the profile. Anyway, all set now.
So sorry I have been missing your posts on Twitter, and here... June has been one month I'd rather not entirely reminisce about ever again, and I firmly love the month of June, but this year is for the books.
I needed a distraction from the sadness of the week, of the month, which is why I'm here. (And I apologize for not being online for fairly a month when I do normally send you a note on Twitter.
... and like a realist, things went from bad to worse.
The last week of May was about adversity... started out on a happy but anxious note. (Have you ever had a childhood friend, or a longtime friend whom you pretty much share your lifetime stories with to the point your friend is your extended family? This is what it's all about for the first part of the story)
My best friend told me my "niece" (aka her adopted daughter) was not only pregnant, but 7 mos pregnant! The anxiety was the doctors had told my niece the next pregnancy might be a serious risk to her health. I told my best friend to not get upset, to start getting ready to be a grandmother again (4th time) and we'll all hope and pray for the best.
Less than 24 hrs later, the baby came early. Luckily, the preemie baby was extremely healthy and on- track. (the first male child after 3 daughters!) The mother (my niece) was in ICU as a precaution for all the surgery cesarian section performed... still happy for the family.
24 hrs later, I get the messenger note that my niece was unconscious.
(we enter the month of June now)
72 hrs later the mother of 4 children was taken off life support. (rest in peace Marta)
And all I could remember was back in the late 90's my best friend with me (I came down to visit) extremely happy at the San Diego courthouse with adoption paperwork filled out, waiting to be signed by legal clerks and a judge. Anxiously awaiting to become a mother was my best friend, awaiting for the arrival of a Russian orphan who was going to start living the American Dream...
That dream is over. Now it's two grandparents, a boyfriend, three children trying to grasp why their mother is gone, and an infant who will never get the chance to meet her. And of course, fighting for custody of the remains, and trying to unify siblings since there are 3 different families involved. Currently, it's a rough start for this family united in grief.
That was hard on me... I may be only an honorary auntie, but I deeply feel this loss. I was close to this child up until she moved from home at age 18. We tried social media but COVID complicated a lot of discussions with everybody.
Three weeks in June went by. Purchasing stuff for the kids to somewhat ease the hurt.
and just when I thought things would settle down, it goes from bad to worse quickly!
This past Sunday was extremely traumatic, unexpected, and the tragic results have shattered me to the core.
My beautiful service dog, my hero that saved my life twice when I had low blood sugar levels from diabetes, the last dog my mother had (and the last thing of my mother's life that was of the utmost importance to her) my crossbreed pug/chihuahua Chuckie, died in my arms unexpectedly. (all the symptoms of an opioid overdose, which he probably got from walking through the local park. The vet at the animal hospital could only fit him in on Tuesday morning and he died Monday night (Anger stage is in full swing, and also mad at myself for not being militant about getting him into the ER, and even more upset the vet won't do a necropsy to confirm the evidence of all the symptoms he was having))
So the last two nights were excruciatingly painful. My neighbor gave me her car to go clear my head. (she could probably hear me wailing all night) I need distractions, things to avoid my feelings, my rage, to overcome this "failed mother" instinct from watching him die. My friends have been reaching out to me because they know I'm not okay, even if I insist I am fine. (insert that Steel Magnolias moment)
My dietician stepped in... I'll get started on chair yoga soon. (Tried to walk yesterday, but kept looking to my sides, wondering where the leash was, and the reality would kick in and sobbing would start up, so I went home)
I was so big on faith at the beginning of the month... now I feel there's no point, it's just a ritual. There's life, there's death. Nobody is ever prepared for the finality.
When my Mother died, I hoped she had found all of her friends and acquaintances she missed when they left this word. I hope Chuckie found her and they are snuggled up together someplace cozy with sunlight.
Hugs Kathy! I hope your Mom is happy in the afterlife, and I'm certain she's happy you finally got your British citizenship! (that reminds me my dual citizen grandniece Norah Liberty is celebrating her yankee doodle dandy birthday this weekend)
Hang in there.... my other distraction is music... I have to sleep with the radio on to get through it. The dog is still waking me up in the afterlife, as every 5:30a he would literally wake me up to turn on the radio, just for him! (then he'd sleep for a few additional hours before breakfast) No rest for the weary. He's still waking me up. (I shouldn't be surprised, but I am)
Hi Susan, I am so sorry for your troubles and hope for better outcomes soon.
Kathy,
You brought smiles and tears and some kind of fond memories of my mother. Similar as you, I was glad to have had a close relationship with my mom, she was my big supporter and embraced whatever I chose to do for myself. There is nothing that compares that special bonding, friendships come and go but that bonding with a mother never leaves us. My mom passed 8 yrs ago and I still celebrate her birthday, June 25th.
Always the best to you from a loyal fun.
Jose
My mom's was a month later, July 25th. I think I will wear the dress again, the one she bought for her 85th and didn't get to have. I wore it at her memorial last year. Thank you for writing Jose.
I can really relate to you as the one year mark approaches. My mother has recently accepted hospice care and I do not look forward to what the weeks ahead may bring. If I thought puzzles would provide enough of a distraction, I would dive right in!
Hi Amy, I hope and bet there are many wonderful moments and hours in the time ahead. Another side to being with parents, or anyone we love, as they are transitioning out of life is that we get to really see who we are, what we are made of. That's a gift.
I've been thinking about you and 🙏 for you knowing you have been dealing with missing your mom. I know she would have been proud of what you have accomplished this past year.
I also do puzzles first thing in the morning starting with wordle and quordle using the same rationale as you. I think it's a perfectly reasonable rationale. 😁
I also do better if I start my day with a quiet time. Bible reading and prayer for me. I'm not as faithful as I should be. Sometimes it's because work issues come up or it's because I just didn't use my time wisely. Sigh....
Thank you for your Etymological Garden. I love ir!!
Also, thanks for the The Big Moon recommendation. I'm always looking for new music. I love the classics but I really need to listen to newer music.
I tried a new way today and am doing the crossword before bed! thanks for reading and commenting Becky.
Having lost my parents (11 days apart), I have experienced the type of loss and grief you describe…. That experience shook me to the center of my heart and for the first time in my life felt as if I wouldn’t ever recover emotionally; felt lost, unable to speak at times and returned to work unable to well, work. So I sought help to manage the chasm…specifically to be able to get the last final images of the folks in death/dying. It worked. My counselor said my parents would want me to remember them when they were still in charge of their lives and NOT when they were no longer in charge in the last stages. Nature or illness eventually takes charge and we no longer call the shots…. So why would I want to be remembered in that stage..? Anyway, it made sense to me and freed me to let go, a bit at a time, of those last vestiges and instead focus on the glory days. ✌🏽
Yes I suspect it's a phase, and of course no one wants to be remembered for being sickly but I'm not sure we get a choice as to what we remember. I don't dwell though, on negative thoughts or memories and that surely helps. I'm sorry you went through this too--I lost my dad in 2018, mom in 2022.
It took me about 2 years after my dad died to remember and be able to visualize his memory as healthy and full of life. After taking care of him the last few months of his life, I just couldn't get that image out of my mind. And then one night, out of nowhere, I had a dream of the two of us. I think we were in a grocery store, not really sure. But he was young and healthy, with a sparkle in his eye that I remember from my childhood. It was a long couple of years. Thank you for sharing. I appreciate your honesty.
Thank you for writing Troy, I also think the ick part will dissipate. I love the photo memory reel I made for my mom's memorial because it shows a long, full life.