RE: the subject of weeding... (BTW, it reminds me of my childhood home. Mom hated the crabgrass. When I was a child I hated it, but as an adult, I kinda miss my bare feet running through it, probably because the memory triggers want me to feel youthful again)
Anyway, Day 10 of mourning and grief, and crying jags, and I finally had to tell myself to make an effort, machete the "weeds" in the way of progress while I waited for my dog's ashes to return to me.
So, day 14 and 15, started researching for places that train "diabetic assist dogs", and I'm still awaiting 2 call backs, but one did call back, and it looks like I might pitch in $500 to get the process going, even though it will take 6 mos to train for that specialty. (Peace of mind, vs worrying that all this stress is going to trigger a blood sugar drop that might drop me like a rock in a public place or home alone)
Today, I got my boy back... certificate from the crematorium, his ashes in a box (which I transferred to a personalized urn) and a round plaster of paris print of his paw. Spoke to him, had him riding the bus one last time, and he was next to me for my meals. I felt at peace for once, and I felt the energy come back. (I say that because I was dusting the TV console, to place his urn up on the mantle... then decided to really do some cleaning that I just was not up to doing... "weeding" through recyclables too. Progress after an excruciating period of grief, and some closure.
I also checked on my best friend and her grief (as she is also checking up on me in this sisterhood of the grieving process we are currently dealing with) and I believe she has hit a flashpoint. (working from home, her granddaughter is on vacation with the little sister who lives in another state, her supportive boyfriend is over 400 miles away, so she's home alone. (we keep our messengers open 24 hrs. in case one of us needs to express grief, rage, et al.,)) It's tough but she's hanging in there. I have stressed that she put up a sign on the wall not to forget to take her medication, to do so for her four grandchildren's sake, to remember to eat, to contact me if she needs support. We are both weeding through the grief process. (Death isn't for the faint of heart) We are hanging in there! baby steps!
I’ve done a fair bit of weeding my soul in the past few years, questioning things I had espoused for years without realizing I was being dogmatic. IIWIC there would be no more GoFundMe’s for a child with cancer. Drug companies that abuse the system by pricing lifesaving medicines based on how vital they are rather than a reasonable profit margin (insulin anyone?) would soon find themselves with their patents revoked and in direct market competition. it is a stain on our nation that this is a thing. I am amazed and saddened by so many of my brothers and sisters in arms (retired Navy) that rail against libs and ‘socialism’ are against medical care as a basic human right while they enjoy the benefits of lifetime government provided healthcare. It took a personal tragedy to open my eyes to the hypocrisy. I had an incident 5 years ago that left me paralyzed and with 12 rods, 8 plates and 32 screws holding my neck together. After a lot of physical therapy, I learned to walk again and was able to resume my career. We didn’t lose our house, have our savings wiped out and be reduced to penury because I had government (VA) health care. So IIWIC, that’s the number 1 thing I’d tackle, right after buying a Hori-Hori knife!
Hi Rich - what a miraculous recovery! I'm so glad your experience was also a heart-opening one that brought new levels of compassion and understanding for people who have difficult circumstances. Thank you for writing, and btw, I agree completely.
there’s a chapter in Cal Newport’s Deep Work (worth reading) all about a writer who gets unstuck by bootstrapping writing sessions of his book on two consecutive 12 hour flights. /Not recommending actually doing this but it’s worth pondering how being in that traveling mode can help free up energy and focus…
I understand. Man, do I understand. Self-promotion is exhausting. I own a business and decided to go indie with my book. I had a melt-down last-weekend.
It feels like I'm constantly on the corner with a cup, busking for tips, shouting. "But wait for my next trick!" It is tiring. You're not alone.
As for writing while flying, I need to do more of that. After a lifetime of flying, in my adult years I got a fear of flying. I think because I had a small child and subconsciously feared death. But I've done so a lot of calming my fears, I now enjoy flying enough to not need a drink.
Writing would be a much more productive use (I Fruedian slipped and wrote ABUSE) of my air time.
You've inspired me to use my next trip to see how that works for me.
I appreciate your honest thoughts on here. You're so relatable. Life is not easy, so it helps to know other people deal with all the mess along with the beauty.
Thank you once again for your interesting read. I wish you were in charge (or someone like you).
I volunteer once a week in Hawaiʻi Volcanoes National Park cutting invasive ginger. Sometimes we get tourists who volunteer with us to offset their carbon footprint. I think it's a cool way to do that. I've done the pay thing too (with the airline ticket), but I like the idea of doing something for the planet to offset the travel.
And WTF Ernie. I guess people get off on carpetbombing their negative energy. This world is so fucked up and it's because of people like Ernie. So - thank you for giving me fifteen minutes of your good energy and making my day a little better.
I like that way of carbon offsetting Christopher, and another way to help in terms of travel is like Bradford said in his post, to take fewer trips and stay longer.
Re Ernie, it's ok, maybe to him I'm a dull terrible writer, but I got a lot of subscribes on this one! Also I saw his poetry and didn't like it at all so I guess just dif key strokes for dif folks!
I usually work a couple days on the dispatches and this one was more quickly written and sent, as I mentioned in it--but I have my book proposal and musical that are keeping me pretty jammed! I did the best I could with my time constraints. I appreciate your support so much!
Hi Kathy! Greetings from Costa Rica. I’ve started my summer vacation in the country I was born. Thank you so much for sharing! I had to look up what a hori hori knife was! Lol! Always learn something new when I read your posts! XOXO
That was so… refreshing. Unlike Ernie, who needs to lighten up, I find that your musings on basic everyday concerns in life are very useful in managing some of the chaos that envelops us all. Your writing is relatable and like a nice comfy snack.
I can totally relate on IIWIC, as I am always thinking This Is What I'd Do. My subconscious got revenge once, though, by way of a dream.
I dreamt I was watching election returns on TV. You know how they'll show each candidate's last name and the percentage of the vote they got? So my congressional district came up, and MY name is there, next to 53%, or some other winning amount. I felt instant terror. "I won? I wasn't even running! I don't know anything about marginal tax rates or farm subsidies or defense appropriations!"
It's easy to criticize politicians, and the gods know many of them deserve it, but at the end of the day, they keep the wheels turning while the rest of us can go to shows and work and have kids and all that. I make no excuses for the corrupt or terrible ones, but I think most of them are doing what they think the job requires, which is really more than I want to do.
(Confession: I *still* make plans for my theoretical presidency, so evidently my scary-Congress dream taught me nothing.)
I would like you to be the advisor to whoever is in charge. Wishing you much luck to conquer the nut grass. My dear late step dad maintained that there was only one way to get rid of it: move!
I just googled Hori Hori and now want one to get rid of dandelions. If I don’t hurt myself in the process. Look for pics of my future injury on Threads! 😜
As always after reading your latest substack I had to google. Now I know what a Hori Hori knife is! :) Thanks for once again sharing. Also it's the 42nd birthday of Beauty and the Beat!! The album that changed your life. The album that changed most of our lives!! <3
Team KV! You got my vote!
I love reading your posts. I have tickets for the Sunday performance on the 13th. I got 4 so I am bringing friends. Keep Rockin!
awesome!
Your the coolest, you take me back to much better times! Luv Kathy!
Hi Kathy,
RE: the subject of weeding... (BTW, it reminds me of my childhood home. Mom hated the crabgrass. When I was a child I hated it, but as an adult, I kinda miss my bare feet running through it, probably because the memory triggers want me to feel youthful again)
Anyway, Day 10 of mourning and grief, and crying jags, and I finally had to tell myself to make an effort, machete the "weeds" in the way of progress while I waited for my dog's ashes to return to me.
So, day 14 and 15, started researching for places that train "diabetic assist dogs", and I'm still awaiting 2 call backs, but one did call back, and it looks like I might pitch in $500 to get the process going, even though it will take 6 mos to train for that specialty. (Peace of mind, vs worrying that all this stress is going to trigger a blood sugar drop that might drop me like a rock in a public place or home alone)
Today, I got my boy back... certificate from the crematorium, his ashes in a box (which I transferred to a personalized urn) and a round plaster of paris print of his paw. Spoke to him, had him riding the bus one last time, and he was next to me for my meals. I felt at peace for once, and I felt the energy come back. (I say that because I was dusting the TV console, to place his urn up on the mantle... then decided to really do some cleaning that I just was not up to doing... "weeding" through recyclables too. Progress after an excruciating period of grief, and some closure.
I also checked on my best friend and her grief (as she is also checking up on me in this sisterhood of the grieving process we are currently dealing with) and I believe she has hit a flashpoint. (working from home, her granddaughter is on vacation with the little sister who lives in another state, her supportive boyfriend is over 400 miles away, so she's home alone. (we keep our messengers open 24 hrs. in case one of us needs to express grief, rage, et al.,)) It's tough but she's hanging in there. I have stressed that she put up a sign on the wall not to forget to take her medication, to do so for her four grandchildren's sake, to remember to eat, to contact me if she needs support. We are both weeding through the grief process. (Death isn't for the faint of heart) We are hanging in there! baby steps!
PS Thanks for your reply, Kathy!
I’ve done a fair bit of weeding my soul in the past few years, questioning things I had espoused for years without realizing I was being dogmatic. IIWIC there would be no more GoFundMe’s for a child with cancer. Drug companies that abuse the system by pricing lifesaving medicines based on how vital they are rather than a reasonable profit margin (insulin anyone?) would soon find themselves with their patents revoked and in direct market competition. it is a stain on our nation that this is a thing. I am amazed and saddened by so many of my brothers and sisters in arms (retired Navy) that rail against libs and ‘socialism’ are against medical care as a basic human right while they enjoy the benefits of lifetime government provided healthcare. It took a personal tragedy to open my eyes to the hypocrisy. I had an incident 5 years ago that left me paralyzed and with 12 rods, 8 plates and 32 screws holding my neck together. After a lot of physical therapy, I learned to walk again and was able to resume my career. We didn’t lose our house, have our savings wiped out and be reduced to penury because I had government (VA) health care. So IIWIC, that’s the number 1 thing I’d tackle, right after buying a Hori-Hori knife!
Hi Rich - what a miraculous recovery! I'm so glad your experience was also a heart-opening one that brought new levels of compassion and understanding for people who have difficult circumstances. Thank you for writing, and btw, I agree completely.
Thanks for the kind reply, just a quick suck-up to say how much I enjoy your writing and shared insights. Looking forward to your next missive!
there’s a chapter in Cal Newport’s Deep Work (worth reading) all about a writer who gets unstuck by bootstrapping writing sessions of his book on two consecutive 12 hour flights. /Not recommending actually doing this but it’s worth pondering how being in that traveling mode can help free up energy and focus…
Interesting! I will look for that, curious.
Thinking I may just start cultivating the nut grass. Those seed stalks are kinda cute!
I understand. Man, do I understand. Self-promotion is exhausting. I own a business and decided to go indie with my book. I had a melt-down last-weekend.
It feels like I'm constantly on the corner with a cup, busking for tips, shouting. "But wait for my next trick!" It is tiring. You're not alone.
As for writing while flying, I need to do more of that. After a lifetime of flying, in my adult years I got a fear of flying. I think because I had a small child and subconsciously feared death. But I've done so a lot of calming my fears, I now enjoy flying enough to not need a drink.
Writing would be a much more productive use (I Fruedian slipped and wrote ABUSE) of my air time.
You've inspired me to use my next trip to see how that works for me.
I appreciate your honest thoughts on here. You're so relatable. Life is not easy, so it helps to know other people deal with all the mess along with the beauty.
I had to Google Hori Hori, and now I’m ordering one. 😁
Thank you once again for your interesting read. I wish you were in charge (or someone like you).
I volunteer once a week in Hawaiʻi Volcanoes National Park cutting invasive ginger. Sometimes we get tourists who volunteer with us to offset their carbon footprint. I think it's a cool way to do that. I've done the pay thing too (with the airline ticket), but I like the idea of doing something for the planet to offset the travel.
And WTF Ernie. I guess people get off on carpetbombing their negative energy. This world is so fucked up and it's because of people like Ernie. So - thank you for giving me fifteen minutes of your good energy and making my day a little better.
MORE KV
LESS ERNIE!
I like that way of carbon offsetting Christopher, and another way to help in terms of travel is like Bradford said in his post, to take fewer trips and stay longer.
Re Ernie, it's ok, maybe to him I'm a dull terrible writer, but I got a lot of subscribes on this one! Also I saw his poetry and didn't like it at all so I guess just dif key strokes for dif folks!
I usually work a couple days on the dispatches and this one was more quickly written and sent, as I mentioned in it--but I have my book proposal and musical that are keeping me pretty jammed! I did the best I could with my time constraints. I appreciate your support so much!
Hi Kathy! Greetings from Costa Rica. I’ve started my summer vacation in the country I was born. Thank you so much for sharing! I had to look up what a hori hori knife was! Lol! Always learn something new when I read your posts! XOXO
Hi Günther! Have a great summer! Wishing you lots of relaxed days and great food! x
Thank you so much!
That was so… refreshing. Unlike Ernie, who needs to lighten up, I find that your musings on basic everyday concerns in life are very useful in managing some of the chaos that envelops us all. Your writing is relatable and like a nice comfy snack.
Thanks for reading Bradley!
I can totally relate on IIWIC, as I am always thinking This Is What I'd Do. My subconscious got revenge once, though, by way of a dream.
I dreamt I was watching election returns on TV. You know how they'll show each candidate's last name and the percentage of the vote they got? So my congressional district came up, and MY name is there, next to 53%, or some other winning amount. I felt instant terror. "I won? I wasn't even running! I don't know anything about marginal tax rates or farm subsidies or defense appropriations!"
It's easy to criticize politicians, and the gods know many of them deserve it, but at the end of the day, they keep the wheels turning while the rest of us can go to shows and work and have kids and all that. I make no excuses for the corrupt or terrible ones, but I think most of them are doing what they think the job requires, which is really more than I want to do.
(Confession: I *still* make plans for my theoretical presidency, so evidently my scary-Congress dream taught me nothing.)
Hi Neil, that sounds like one of the panic dreams I used to get before going on tour! The whole "how can I do this, I am not prepared" feeling!
It’s all about the trying..
I would like you to be the advisor to whoever is in charge. Wishing you much luck to conquer the nut grass. My dear late step dad maintained that there was only one way to get rid of it: move!
Your dad might be right. I battle it 2 years in a row now!
I just googled Hori Hori and now want one to get rid of dandelions. If I don’t hurt myself in the process. Look for pics of my future injury on Threads! 😜
As always after reading your latest substack I had to google. Now I know what a Hori Hori knife is! :) Thanks for once again sharing. Also it's the 42nd birthday of Beauty and the Beat!! The album that changed your life. The album that changed most of our lives!! <3
yes, it was posted about so much today! nice!